Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
