why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
