Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
