a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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