3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
