his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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