I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
