JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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