You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
