My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
