i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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