When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
