made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
