Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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