I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
