That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
