That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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