I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
