Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
