i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
