thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
