I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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