Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
