I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
