conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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