so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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