At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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