walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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