She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
