she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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