Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
