Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
