i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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