I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
