Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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