just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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