Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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