I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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