The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
