Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
