Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
