When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
