his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
