So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
