your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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