pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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