got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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