You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
