the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
