some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
