My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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