idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize