So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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