If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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