I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
