I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
