birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
