I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
