dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
