i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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