ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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