SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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