Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
