She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
