I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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