dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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