Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
