No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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