I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
