watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
