My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize