he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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