Will you blow on my dice?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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