she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
