Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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