Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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