so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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