Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
