I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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