Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button