What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating