sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
