Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Couch. On fire.